His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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