I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
