you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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