Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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