arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
