Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
