Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
only if we run a train.
done.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
