i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
