A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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