Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
