worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
