I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
