Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
