I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
