just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
