Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
