new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
