Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
