there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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