They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So many bounce houses so little time
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
