I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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