just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
