half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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