went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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