dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
