I just pynch a tree in the face
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
