i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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