remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
