I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
