I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
