i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
