you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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