Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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