This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
