Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
