Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just gift wrapped bread.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
