There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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