Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
