I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
