I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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