I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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