did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
