Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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