I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
