Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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