if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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