I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
