i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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