The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sext me about skeletons
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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