The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
