i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
