when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
