I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Someone came in the potted fern
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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