just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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