Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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