i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
