drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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