Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
