im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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