why didn't you poke me back
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
