I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im six kinds of drunk right now
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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