that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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