Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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