My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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