I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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