dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
