Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
