I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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