Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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