Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
