i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
