I accidentally burped into my bong.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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