got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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