Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
