Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
