i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
there is puke in my bra ... again
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