I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
