there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
