New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
